Introduction-  In my introduction, I deleted the part about primary and secondary Discourses because it wasn’t relevant to the topic. I introduced Gee, Hass, Nair and Nair and the IMRAD Cheat Sheet as well to make my thesis more clear.

Evidence and Explanations: I expanded on my idea of connections and added more evidence to that paragraph. I also added more explanation to all my paragraphs on how Gee relates to the three additional sources.

Reorganization- I moved around almost all of my topic sentences to make my claim more present. I also moved the paragraphs into an order that I thought flowed better. I started my paragraphs off with information about the Scientific Discourse and moved Gee later into the paragraphs.

New Paragraphs: I added another paragraph to my practices examples because in my original one I had two strong examples. I also added a paragraph on connections. I also wrote my conclusion.